80 ways to tick off the marauders
by TheAmazingCellist
Summary: Just some ways to piss off our fellow trouble makers. Enjoy! Hints at lily/James and Remus/Sirius, plus hints of self-pleasure.


**80 Ways to Tick off the marauders**

20 ways to tick off James Potter~

1: Tell him that hunting season is coming up

2: Tell him that he has a gay son

3: Ruffle his hair

4: Tell Lily he wanks to a picture of her

5: Tell him that Lily wants to meet him in the Astronomy tower

6: Then tell Lily that he is going to go jump off the Astronomy tower, and she has to stop him

7: Then, when she rushes to save him, lock them up there

8: And explain while they are cursing you, that they will not get out, until the have hot and steamy sex.

9: Tell Snape that James loves him

10: Then proceed to give Snape a "note" written by James, confessing his undying love and devotion.

11: Laugh when Snape turns green

12: And then point out that he is supporting house colors, and thus is a good boy.

13: Steal James' glasses and wear them around school

14: Charm James' robes bright pink

15: Charm James' robes invisible

16: Steal all of James' clothes and hide them

17: Tell James that spooning leads to forking

18: And then proceed to tell him about safe sex

19: And then shove him into Lily

20: And laugh when she hexes his balls

~20 ways to tick off Sirius Black~

1: Tell him that drapery is _very_ dangerous

2: Brandish a fork at him, yelling, "Begone evil doer!" In the middle of the hall

3: Cut his hair while he is sleeping

4: And then use it to make a polyjuice potion

5: and then drink it, and go down to the Great Hall early

6: And when he comes in, jump up, screaming, "My long lost twin!"

7: And the rush and hug him about the waist

8: Announce to the entire Great Hall during dinner that soon there will be half-werewolf half-mutt babies running around Hogwarts

9: Stroke his hair while muttering about silkiness

10: Charm him to dance on the table while singing sexy back

11: Lock him in a broom cupboard with Remus

12: Tell them that doing it doggie-style is perfectly all right, but "doing it doggie-style" should be done only in private

13: Tell Sirius that Remus is wanking in the bathroom and needs help

14: Convince Sirius that the bathroom is empty, when, in fact, it is NOT empty

15: Then laugh when he walks in on Remus using the bathroom

16: Tell Sirius that he is too horny for his own good

17: Ask Sirius if he secretly wants to make love to Snape

18: Tell Sirius he really should stop supporting Slytherin Colors

19: Charm all of Sirius' clothing green and silver

20: Then announce to Hogwarts that Sirius has a snake, and it wants attention

~20 Ways to tick off Remus Lupin~

1: Tell him, while out of breath, that Sirius just fell out of the tower window

2: Ask him if werewolves can wank

3: Tell him he is a sexy, sexy beast

4: Tell him about Sirius' secret dog fetish

5: Hide behind a bookshelf and then jump out and yell Boo! At him

6: Then laugh when he jumps

7: Charm a mouse to follow Remus around

8: Sing "I'll keep you my furry little secret!" Loudly and badly out of tune

9: Ask Remus why he's whispering, in a VERY loud voice

10: Make copies of Remus' homework, and hide the originals while setting fire to the copies, right in front of him

11: Tell the marauders that, when Remus goes to "study" in the library, he isn't studying books.

12: Then proceed to tell them about the "noises" you happened to overhear

13: Convince Remus that he only has five days to live

14: Charm Peter to follow Remus around, in rat form

15: tell Remus that if he goes to the library anymore, he'll get raped by Madam Pince

16: Scribble on books with him watching

17: Steal all of his candy and eat it

18: Show him a silver spoon and tell him to look, because it's shiny

19: Tell him, in a very loud voice, to stop "Polishing his wand" in the common room.

20: Tell him it's okay to be gay, and then proceed to sing the song in a loud and obnoxious voice

~20 ways to tick off Peter Pettigrew~

1: Play with his fat

2: Talk about jelly rolls

3: Poke his shoulder repeatedly

4: And when he asks what you want, tell him you want his body

5: Ask him if he likes to go Stag……..

6: And when he asks what you mean, say, "Oh, I know how you look at James….." Then walk away

7: Push him into the black lake

8: Tell him Crookshanks will eat him……..

9: Tell him that a hippogriff will molest him if he goes outside

10: Hang him from the moving staircases with rope

11: Tell him to make friends with the giant squid

12: Then tell him the giant squid has EIGHT ARMS

13: And wink at him

14: And when given a blank look, tell him the Squid likes it rough

15: Spike his Pumpkin Juice with veritaserum

16: Then begin to ask him embarrassing and extremely personal questions

17: Steal his wand

18: Then hide it in James' underwear drawer

19: When he walks into breakfast, squeal loudly, point at him, and begin to cry

20: Make endless fat boy jokes

**Author Notes~**

**Thus ends the tormenting of the Marauders…… How I love them…. ^^**

**Peter: I am not fat! Well…… Maybe a little bit……**

**James: Harry is NOT gay!!!**

**Sirius: I hate you……….. **

**Remus: I don't do anything in the library but study from books…… No matter what you might have overheard…… *Blushes* **

**Hades: Shut up you lot! Back into your mind boxes! In you go! **


End file.
